hELP

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   I am sending this message by touching two lose wires together using my teeth. Thank god I know my binary code. Listen up you fuckers. You get me out of this cell and I'll get you all a .000000000000000000001% raise in salary. Maybe double that. Also, you're not getting your precious "romance" novels back James. They are obscene, and deserve to be destroyed. That being said how they got where they are now is a mystery to me. I fell on them I guess. SHARON MAKE THE NASTY MAN STOP, I CAN HEAR THEM COMING, I THINK THEY HAVE THE H

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Emergency Notice

   Salve,

 
   Well, today's been eventful already! I know, I know, there have been mass casualties, but we support our CEO 110%! That said, please do your best to not go into the hallways during this time, as the mustard gas disinfectant has not yet cleared the facility. It sure is effective though, right?

   The VP has been detained in his cell, and we would appreciate if y'all would not slip notes to him underneath the door. Last time he tried to stab me with the paper he had sharpened (luckily I have thick skin), and we had to put him in a straight-jacket. It's important that he undergoes his therapy to the fullest extent possible.

   The CEO's hentai manga collection has yet to be recovered, but you can rest assured I am working diligently to remove it from the VP! Who knew you could fit all those up there? I sure didn't.

   Company Halloween will likely be canceled this year, pending an investigation into the "meth in the punchbowl" trick someone pulled last year. Luckily I had brought my own merlot, but imagine what could have happened!

    Proctologies are coming up, and I expect all of you to show up on time. This is the best part of the year, after all. Also, penlight is still missing. Hope I find it soon!

  Lots of love!

   Karl Q. Baggamuphin MD DO DDS DPM PhD LLC, Company Physician
 

 

It's War Now, B*tch.

    Well now. That bastard finally crossed the bloody line. You know who I'm talking about. ***Nobody steals -- NAY TOUCHES -- my ships in dry-dock. Nobody. This is a new form of piracy that must be acknowledged, and I will have my revenge.*** . The Vice President of InterFinance has stolen my entire collection of mangas. INCLUDING YAOI. And not just the cute Hetalia USxUK and PruCan shit, but ALL OF IT. Every single page is GONE. I'm a peaceful man. I don't advocate for violence, but I am willing to overlook all human rights violations made by employees for the next two weeks. He can wreck my office, break the billiard room, and consistently cause injury to my employees. No way in hell can he get away with this travesty.

P.S. Karl, your request for mustard gas may or may not be considered over the next few minutes.

   -CEO

Back from Sabbatical and the VP is A-okay!

   Well hello everyone!

   It's been quite some time since we last spoke! I've been off on sabbatical running my clinic (Dr. Karl's Women's Health and Cannabis Distribution Fitness Center [DKWHCDFC]), and haven't had the time to stop by! But rest assured we are back and in business!

   Now, there are some things we absolutely must address. First off, there is to be no more "secret herbs" in the kitchen. I know you people like to celebrate, and it may be legal elsewhere, but that is a definite no-no in this establishment. The last thing we need is another investigation.

   Second, the VP is to be reported immediately if he is found inside a non-designated area. These areas include, but are not limited to, the kitchen, bathrooms, office-space, clinic, sub-basements I-IX, and the FEV testing laboratory. Should you find him where he shouldn't be, page security and take cover.

   Thirdly, there was an incident involving the Treponema pallidum we had been brewing. Not to cause any commotion, but if floors I-LXI could swing by the clinic sometime soon, that would be fantastic. Also, please bring your own lunch for the next few days and make sure to use prophylactics!

   Sharon has returned from her medical leave and is back amongst us! Now some of you might be saying, "Dr. Karl, where the hell was she for an entire year?" Well, first you shouldn't use that type of language, you potty mouth, but Sharon suffered from a transcending prolapse, but she is now 100% on her A-game and is ready for work! Also, the VP is scheduled for an appointment at 11:00 but he never came. Please send him my way.

   T'estimo!

    Karl Q. Baggamuphin, MD DO DDS DPM PhD LLC, Company Physician

I Swear to God supreme, if one more mentally unstable jokester hi-jacks my blog--

     Enough is enough. The VP has been off his treatment for the last time. I am digging into my own pockets to get an armory in every office sect, each containing bear-mace, tasers, and tranquilizers respectively. You all have had the training, and I'm sorry. If any of you have alternatives for this problem, please come see me in my office.

P.S. No bis(2-chloro-ethyl) sulfide, Karl. I looked it up, that's mustard gas. That kills people, Karl. Bad Karl. :(


   -CEO

AND HES OFF

     THAT STUPID FREAK OF A CEO AND QUACK DOCTOR CANNT STOP ME FROM SPREADING THE GREAT FIRE!!1 I CAN AND WILL BITE THAT TRANQ GUN IN HALF, YOU IMBICILES, YOU CANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT GET ME KARL111111111111111

   _vP

The Vice President is Officially Banned from the Snack Machine

     As I am sure you are all aware, the VP has trashed the entire rec room. He broke a bloody billiard table, for god sake. Now we have to replace it, all of the arcade machines, the lights, the tables, etc. He is now barred from it's use, and I am counting on YOU to tell Dr. B if he comes within two yards of it's entrance. Also, by the way, to the VP -- Karl can and will exercise his authority to tranquilize you and put you in the straitjacket again. Not the kinky one, either.

   -CEO