Emergency Notice

   Salve,

 
   Well, today's been eventful already! I know, I know, there have been mass casualties, but we support our CEO 110%! That said, please do your best to not go into the hallways during this time, as the mustard gas disinfectant has not yet cleared the facility. It sure is effective though, right?

   The VP has been detained in his cell, and we would appreciate if y'all would not slip notes to him underneath the door. Last time he tried to stab me with the paper he had sharpened (luckily I have thick skin), and we had to put him in a straight-jacket. It's important that he undergoes his therapy to the fullest extent possible.

   The CEO's hentai manga collection has yet to be recovered, but you can rest assured I am working diligently to remove it from the VP! Who knew you could fit all those up there? I sure didn't.

   Company Halloween will likely be canceled this year, pending an investigation into the "meth in the punchbowl" trick someone pulled last year. Luckily I had brought my own merlot, but imagine what could have happened!

    Proctologies are coming up, and I expect all of you to show up on time. This is the best part of the year, after all. Also, penlight is still missing. Hope I find it soon!

  Lots of love!

   Karl Q. Baggamuphin MD DO DDS DPM PhD LLC, Company Physician